It was dusk, Jake and his family were in their car headed to the fair. They were all excited, you could tell they were ready to run to the gates. They could see the flashing lights flash over and over again. The family had gotten out of the car, Jake, Joseph (Jake’s brother), and Kole, (Jake’s cousin), were all tempted to run off without permission, but they didn’t care if they got in trouble. When the whole family got out of the car they all started to walk to the gates. When they got through the gates, Jake and Kole started playing with a football Jake brought with. They both were having a good time. Kole wanted to try a trick with the football, so Jake agreed. Jake threw the football to Kole, but when Kole tried catching the ball he misplaced his foot and he rolled his ankle. “ Ow!” Kole siad, Jake ran over to him to ask if he was ok and he was.
i like the story
ReplyDeletei like how it was detailed
ReplyDeletei dont like the transitions
ReplyDeleteI really like this story, and how you were every specific about what you wrote about. But I kind of dislike how you added to many commas some of them could of been periods. ( In my opinion )
ReplyDeletethe story was alrigth
ReplyDeleteputting the comas in the rigth place
ReplyDeleteit was a grate story with so many grate details
ReplyDeletei dont have a negative
ReplyDelete