Wednesday, September 4, 2019
The Trip
It was a kinda gloomy Saturday most of the choir girl were heading to school.The teacher taking attendance.She walked into the classroom.The room smelled of sunscreen and sweat.She sits down and waits for the bus to arrive.15 min later it arrived all the girls are excited but she was nervous.When she got on the bus, she was ready to leave.as she what’s to get to the competition she got more and more nervous.The bus stops and all the girls are ready to go in.Later there driving away with three trophies and a grin on their faces.She wants to get to the water park and relax.They get there and go in the water park the sunscreen smell gets stronger and the screemes of children get louder they cant what to get in the water.Later the girls are tired and what to get there other trophies but when she sits down to what she puts her hand on a wood wall and slides down. She sits down and looks at her hand to find all kinds of splinters.She wants to tell her teacher but she forgets and goes on the bus.Later she gets home and pulls out all the splinters.
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i like the beginning
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ReplyDeletei like the story
ReplyDeleteI really like the details, and how I could imagine myself watching the person get splinters. Maybe next to you could add commons instead of less periods. But don't get me wrong! Your story was epic.
ReplyDeletei like how much detail you added into the story
ReplyDeleteI like how you were so specific about what had happened.
ReplyDeletethe splinter part got my attention even thoe it was short,the story was nice,but I would like to knew a little more on why it was a gloomy day.
ReplyDeletei like the story
ReplyDeleteneed comas
ReplyDeletelike the middle
ReplyDeleteyou have very good description,great story
ReplyDeleteI loved the feel of whats going on in the story.
ReplyDelete